Many of the questions that come up in discussions about legalizing cannabis are beyond the scope of my expertise as a counselor and therapist. However, my work with clients who struggle to break the cycle of addiction gives me both a motive and the knowledge to speak to that aspect of the issue.

Whatever arguable benefits marijuana may have, research proves that it has a negative impact on workplace behavior, mental stability, health and learning, especially in adolescents. Regular users miss work, have accidents, develop respiratory ailments suffer from memory problems and in some cases experience hallucinations and paranoia.

Like many other modern crops, the properties of marijuana have been manipulated by growers. Plants grown in the 1980s had tetrahydrocannabinal (THC) concentrations of 4%. Plants grown in 2009 had average concentrations of 10%, more than double the previous amount. THC levels are what determine the potency of the end product. When the potency increases, all the negative effects of the drug also increase, including its power to addict.

About one in ten adults and one out of six teens show a particular susceptibility to the compounds in cannabis that make it addictive. Addiction is a spiral that compels the person caught in its web to devote increasing amounts of time and money to satisfy their cravings. The addict’s resources are no longer available for healthier, more beneficial pursuits.

Breaking an addiction triggers irritability, insomnia, cravings and anxiety. Most addicts seek the help of a counselor or therapist to help them through the process. Both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Hypnotherapy have proven to be successful in helping end addiction.

If a marijuana addiction is causing problems in your life, all the big political and philosophical discussions in the world won’t change things for the better. Leave the big decisions to others. All you have to decide is to take control of your own life and health by breaking marijuana’s hold on you.

Some of the common indicators that trouble is brewing include changes in sleeping and eating habits, social withdrawal, prolonged sadness, and listlessness. These warning signs are common to all who suffer from depression, but they’re especially problematic for the elderly. Many accept depression as a natural part of the aging process, not realizing that an improved outlook is possible. More mature adults who are managing health issues should pay special attention to their mental state because depression can compromise the immune system.

With encouragement to seek help, those over 65 can find the silver lining in their new stage of life. Counseling and hypnotherapy can help clients to appreciate a stage of life with less responsibilities and more freedom. Those still in the workforce can mentor younger co-workers to pass on their wisdom and experience, and can absorb new energy from those they mentor. Individuals who have opted for retirement can now pursue interests they might not have had time for before.

If you or someone within your social circle needs support to make this life transition, encourage them to seek professional help so they can enjoy the wisdom and blessings of a long, healthy life.

True mindfulness refers to the practice of paying attention to the present moment only; to actively examining thoughts without criticism. This is difficult since emotions tend to throw us off balance. For clients in therapy who are struggling with addiction, learning to examine their own thought processes in a non-judgmental, rational way can help them address substance abuse issues and other compulsions.

When addicts look at the past they have a tendency to rationalize and romanticize their problem. Hollywood and the music industry have built a mythology around drug and alcohol use. A client who is serious about change must quit justifying their actions by associating themselves with a sub-culture that encourages self-destruction. Their thinking must be transformed. Learning mindfulness eliminates the addict’s excuse. When a person in recovery learns to live in the moment, they don’t dredge up past experiences which can lead to anger and hopelessness.  Instead they remain in the present allowing each moment to unfold exactly as it is. One day at a time.

Another common thinking error with addicts uses the future as a reason to continue participating in unhealthy behavior. This way of thinking leads the client to believe it may be impossible to live out their life without giving in to temptation. As a result they don’t even try to resist. A future-focused viewpoint also interferes with recovery when individuals tell themselves that one last indulgence today will allow them to satisfy the urge, and then start fresh tomorrow. The problem is that tomorrow never quite seems to arrive.

The past is an unnecessary burden and the future is difficult to predict. Let life unfold one moment at a time. Mindfulness can bring peace and healing that contributes to ending addiction. If this approach to life is appealing, a qualified therapist can help you achieve the results you want.

Generally, people stigmatize physical suffering less than emotional suffering. Most find it normal to work through a process of therapy, treatment, and recovery following an injury or illness. Why, then, do so many struggle to give the same grace to emotional pain? An injury to the psyche also heals best when handled with appropriate care.

Attaching negative connotations to sadness is counterproductive. Humans experience a wide spectrum of emotions and all are valid, acceptable and, most importantly, temporary. Understanding the transitory nature of emotions can help us to fully experience them, and then in turn moderate them rather than be overwhelmed.

I encourage clients who are dealing with sadness to fully submit to their feelings without blame, making sure to pay attention to the physical responses and mental images triggered. Learning to quietly meditate on these responses and images can lead to recognition, control, or even resolution of the feeling. Then, I teach techniques for accessing these impressions to manage future sorrows and to empathize when interacting with others who experience troubles.

While conquering the blues is not an easy task, it is better to work through sadness than to try to deny a normal, natural emotion. Unresolved feelings of loss from the past have a way of bubbling up at difficult moments. In the beginning, clients in counseling may have trouble identifying the source of their unhappiness, but during treatment they are able to uncover sources of sorrow from the recent past, or even further back.

If a problem is buried too deeply and the client is not making progress, hypnotherapy may provide an effective way to discover and confront the root of the difficulties. I provide a safe, supportive environment that allows people to change their perception of previous trials and then experience personal growth by integrating the lessons learned. Processing these feelings and events allows them to dissolve.

Emotional complexity is part of the richness of life. A thread of blue woven in with the sunny yellows, passionate reds and hopeful greens adds to the beauty of life’s tapestry and should be given its rightful place.

It is a good exercise for couples to talk to each other about what they consider infidelity. Is it a breach of your commitment to reach out to past loves on Facebook? Does “sexting” count as cheating if you never touch the other person in the conversation? People may not agree on the answers to these questions.

Do not be fooled by technology. The availability of mobile and social media has not changed the basic act of being unfaithful. Infidelity is present when one person is going outside a relationship to get needs met by someone other than the partner in the relationship and consciously choosing to keep it (or the extent of it) a secret.

Although many people think of an affair as physical, the needs being met outside the relationship may also be emotional. The key is that a boundary has been breached.

E-mail and texting can give a feeling of anonymity and therefore can be fertile ground for triggering infidelity. What may start as a seemingly innocent exchange can quickly cross a line into inappropriate territory.

How do you know if this has happened? A good way to check on whether you are getting caught up in the illusion of anonymity is to ask yourself, “Would I say what I am writing in person, to his or her face?” A good barometer for infidelity is to ask, “Would I be willing to share this dialogue with my significant other?”

It is important to have a good sense of your boundaries with others and to be willing to speak up and enforce them.  If you are not able to do either, try counseling! Individual, couples or marriage counseling can help those who have become mired in Internet infidelity.

Regardless how it happens, infidelity is a painful experience. However, it does not have to spell doom for a couple. With some face-to-face work, problem of electronic communication can be solved.

Consider my friend – I’ll call him “John” here to respect his privacy. Recently, John broke his ankle, requiring surgery and sentencing him to months of getting around on crutches or a scooter. As a very active man who was at that time training for a long bicycle race, John was devastated. Besides the inconvenience and physical pain that come with such an incident, he also experienced depression. His image of himself as a strong, invincible athlete had been shattered.

Now, let us return to the initial question: Who are you? Most people answer this question with labels or titles related to their achievements, family, job or possessions. As John’s example illustrates, however, these labels and titles are not permanent. It is a fact of human life that misfortune may strike anyone, taking away the external things with which many people identify. Who is John, if he is no longer an athlete?

I help clients learn to connect with something deeper than external labels and titles, something inside. They may recognize it as a higher power, spirit, God or something else, but it is beyond the realm of the physical body. It evokes a sense of being part of something greater, something that connects us all.

For people who have experienced a trauma, hypnotherapy is a good way of making this connection. It allows them to move beyond the obstacles in their path and find that inner source of life’s meaning. Meditation is another useful tool. It helps some people to recognize the attachments to impermanent states or things that are holding them back.

No matter how great your labels and titles may make you feel, your true self is much more impressive than any of them suggests. Deep inside, you are prettier, smarter, stronger, more talented even than the external part of yourself that you value most. It might seem like a sacrifice to let go of who you think you are, but doing so unlocks the infinite possibility of who you really are.

It makes sense if you think about it. In either case, if you are considering counseling, you have come to a point where you know something needs to change. In order to effect change, you must first be able to admit that you are partially responsible for whatever is going wrong. Laying blame outside yourself may feel good, but it will only perpetuate the problem. As Eastern philosophers frequently teach: You cannot always control what happens, but you can control your own actions and reactions to what happens. Sometimes, it just takes work.

Humility is also critical to taking the next step: Asking for help. This can be especially difficult for people who take pride in their ability to do everything on their own. Stretching out your hand for a lift up is not a sign of weakness; on the contrary, it takes great strength to openly admit you cannot do something alone.

For couples, Dr. Phil uses the example of a wagon at the bottom of a hill. If you and your husband, wife or partner both pull the wagon up the hill, think how much easier the work will be. Once on top, you can look back on what you have accomplished… together.

Most important – and perhaps most difficult – it takes humility to shift how you perceive the world, others and your experience. Counselors frequently ask some version of the question: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be _____? Fill in the blank with “addiction-free,” “happily married,” or whatever fits your situation; in any case, it means having to throw out the broken record and learn a new tune.

For instance, I often see clients who tell me some version of: “I’ve said this a million times, but nothing changes.” I help them to understand that, whatever they are saying, to themselves or another, even if it is true, is not working. With a humble shift, say from criticism to empathy, they may find a new line, one that makes a positive impact.

Embracing humility is a courageous, compassionate act. Find the strength to be humble, and you will improve your chances of changing for good.

Let me explain. Your energy is not just physical; it is also emotional and mental. A person who expends a majority of his or her energy on activities, feelings and thoughts that are meaningful and rewarding will get a greater return in well-being than someone who wastes time on pointless pursuits.

How do you expend your energy in an average day? It is not something we normally think about, but if you are often depressed, moody, tired or in conflict with others, you should give it some thought. In a typical hour, how much time do you spend obsessing about a coworker’s comment that you perceived as negative, or shopping online for things that you do not really need?

This is wasted energy, like leaving the lights on when nobody is home. Such energy drains can act as distractions that keep humans disconnected from others – think: cell phones, the Internet, television, video games, pornography and even addictions. People sometimes use these distractions to stay disconnected from themselves. Gossiping, people-pleasing, picking fights, worrying… all provide a convenient escape from dealing with the source of what is really wrong.

When I encounter clients who are suffering from such energy drains, I typically begin by assisting them with connecting to their feelings and creating some mindfulness around this issue. If they are willing, I encourage them to meditate, which can help to bring clarity. Hypnotherapy is another way to facilitate a relaxed and safe state for letting down harmful barriers. Often times, simply teaching self-care and/or boundaries is enough.

As mortals, we have a limited amount of time in this life. Do you want to spend that time running around in circles, missing what is most important? Of course not. Stop the energy drain, and learn to conserve your strength for what really matters.

Scientists teach that human beings are hard-wired to seek the company of others and to fear being separated from them. The theory is that we evolved this way from our primitive ancestors, who ran in packs in order to survive.

For too many people, trauma turns this innate attraction to company into an unhealthy fear of abandonment. A child who experienced the pain of a parent dying may grow into a clingy adult. An adult left by her spouse may fill the void with excessive partying or busy-work – anything to avoid confronting the truth of being deserted.

Yet this confrontation is exactly what needs to take place for one to heal. Oftentimes, it’s too painful to do without professional help. When clients come to me with fear of abandonment, I work to help them…

• gain insight into the story behind their fear;
• understand their responses to the fear;
• learn to sit with and observe their anxiety without reacting to it; and
• self-sooth – a very important and empowering tool.

Cognitive behavioral therapy and hypnotherapy are both very useful tools in my method. They allow clients to give up the belief that their happiness depends on others, who – let’s face it – are always free to leave.

When we learn to accept ourselves as strong, interesting individuals, letting go of others becomes easier. We can fill free hours with self-exploration and comfort ourselves during difficult moments.

Humans will always seek out packs to run in; that’s what friends are for! Time alone to indulge ourselves in our thoughts and pastimes should be the icing on the social cake.

When a relapse occurs, skip the unproductive act of beating yourself up. Instead, take corrective action right away:

1. Refocus. Your mind (and even body) may be racing. Take a few deep breaths and recall why you got on the road to recovery to begin with. If you have them, return to notes or journal entries about your first steps. Notice how far you have come already.
2. Regroup. Set up a counseling appointment, attend group therapy or get to a 12-step meeting if it is part of your program – the sooner, the better.
3. Reach out. Your support system is there for a reason. Those close to you will consider it a privilege to help during a time of need. Call or visit someone you trust and talk to him or her about what has happened.
4. Restart. Begin recovery again today; do not wait.
5. Reassure yourself. Relapse causes feelings of shame. When you address these feelings, you diminish their power and break the ongoing cycle of shame and abuse.
6. Repair relationships. Address any issues that the relapse may have caused between you and loved ones.
7. Reflect.  What triggers and red flags led to the relapse? Think about where, when and with whom it happened. Write down your observations in order to identify patterns that can be avoided in the future.

If you follow these steps, you will turn your relapse into a learning experience. Instead of dooming you to failure, it becomes part of the process of positive self-transformation.