It makes sense if you think about it. In either case, if you are considering counseling, you have come to a point where you know something needs to change. In order to effect change, you must first be able to admit that you are partially responsible for whatever is going wrong. Laying blame outside yourself may feel good, but it will only perpetuate the problem. As Eastern philosophers frequently teach: You cannot always control what happens, but you can control your own actions and reactions to what happens. Sometimes, it just takes work.

Humility is also critical to taking the next step: Asking for help. This can be especially difficult for people who take pride in their ability to do everything on their own. Stretching out your hand for a lift up is not a sign of weakness; on the contrary, it takes great strength to openly admit you cannot do something alone.

For couples, Dr. Phil uses the example of a wagon at the bottom of a hill. If you and your husband, wife or partner both pull the wagon up the hill, think how much easier the work will be. Once on top, you can look back on what you have accomplished… together.

Most important – and perhaps most difficult – it takes humility to shift how you perceive the world, others and your experience. Counselors frequently ask some version of the question: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be _____? Fill in the blank with “addiction-free,” “happily married,” or whatever fits your situation; in any case, it means having to throw out the broken record and learn a new tune.

For instance, I often see clients who tell me some version of: “I’ve said this a million times, but nothing changes.” I help them to understand that, whatever they are saying, to themselves or another, even if it is true, is not working. With a humble shift, say from criticism to empathy, they may find a new line, one that makes a positive impact.

Embracing humility is a courageous, compassionate act. Find the strength to be humble, and you will improve your chances of changing for good.

Let me explain. Your energy is not just physical; it is also emotional and mental. A person who expends a majority of his or her energy on activities, feelings and thoughts that are meaningful and rewarding will get a greater return in well-being than someone who wastes time on pointless pursuits.

How do you expend your energy in an average day? It is not something we normally think about, but if you are often depressed, moody, tired or in conflict with others, you should give it some thought. In a typical hour, how much time do you spend obsessing about a coworker’s comment that you perceived as negative, or shopping online for things that you do not really need?

This is wasted energy, like leaving the lights on when nobody is home. Such energy drains can act as distractions that keep humans disconnected from others – think: cell phones, the Internet, television, video games, pornography and even addictions. People sometimes use these distractions to stay disconnected from themselves. Gossiping, people-pleasing, picking fights, worrying… all provide a convenient escape from dealing with the source of what is really wrong.

When I encounter clients who are suffering from such energy drains, I typically begin by assisting them with connecting to their feelings and creating some mindfulness around this issue. If they are willing, I encourage them to meditate, which can help to bring clarity. Hypnotherapy is another way to facilitate a relaxed and safe state for letting down harmful barriers. Often times, simply teaching self-care and/or boundaries is enough.

As mortals, we have a limited amount of time in this life. Do you want to spend that time running around in circles, missing what is most important? Of course not. Stop the energy drain, and learn to conserve your strength for what really matters.

Scientists teach that human beings are hard-wired to seek the company of others and to fear being separated from them. The theory is that we evolved this way from our primitive ancestors, who ran in packs in order to survive.

For too many people, trauma turns this innate attraction to company into an unhealthy fear of abandonment. A child who experienced the pain of a parent dying may grow into a clingy adult. An adult left by her spouse may fill the void with excessive partying or busy-work – anything to avoid confronting the truth of being deserted.

Yet this confrontation is exactly what needs to take place for one to heal. Oftentimes, it’s too painful to do without professional help. When clients come to me with fear of abandonment, I work to help them…

• gain insight into the story behind their fear;
• understand their responses to the fear;
• learn to sit with and observe their anxiety without reacting to it; and
• self-sooth – a very important and empowering tool.

Cognitive behavioral therapy and hypnotherapy are both very useful tools in my method. They allow clients to give up the belief that their happiness depends on others, who – let’s face it – are always free to leave.

When we learn to accept ourselves as strong, interesting individuals, letting go of others becomes easier. We can fill free hours with self-exploration and comfort ourselves during difficult moments.

Humans will always seek out packs to run in; that’s what friends are for! Time alone to indulge ourselves in our thoughts and pastimes should be the icing on the social cake.

When a relapse occurs, skip the unproductive act of beating yourself up. Instead, take corrective action right away:

1. Refocus. Your mind (and even body) may be racing. Take a few deep breaths and recall why you got on the road to recovery to begin with. If you have them, return to notes or journal entries about your first steps. Notice how far you have come already.
2. Regroup. Set up a counseling appointment, attend group therapy or get to a 12-step meeting if it is part of your program – the sooner, the better.
3. Reach out. Your support system is there for a reason. Those close to you will consider it a privilege to help during a time of need. Call or visit someone you trust and talk to him or her about what has happened.
4. Restart. Begin recovery again today; do not wait.
5. Reassure yourself. Relapse causes feelings of shame. When you address these feelings, you diminish their power and break the ongoing cycle of shame and abuse.
6. Repair relationships. Address any issues that the relapse may have caused between you and loved ones.
7. Reflect.  What triggers and red flags led to the relapse? Think about where, when and with whom it happened. Write down your observations in order to identify patterns that can be avoided in the future.

If you follow these steps, you will turn your relapse into a learning experience. Instead of dooming you to failure, it becomes part of the process of positive self-transformation.

Consider the meaning of being wounded. Imagine that someone scratched you badly enough to draw blood. You would not simply smile and go on with your day. You would want an explanation for that person’s actions, and you would need first aide. Only then would you feel better.

The same is true for emotional and mental wounds. When someone hurts your feelings, it is healthy to ascertain how it happened. Was it an accident? Perhaps a friend said something she did not really mean. Was it intentional? If so, why? Maybe she is going through her own difficulties, or there are deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. Were you at all to blame? This can be the most difficult question to answer.

With minor injuries, such self-interrogation can be a relatively quick and easy process. However, deeper wounds, particularly those that have scarred over time, require more of your effort to heal.

Unlike physical scars, emotional scars are not harmless. When you fail to forgive, you hold onto feelings such as anger, blame and frustration. Though you may seem to shrug off a wrong, you are really just pushing it deeper into your awareness; it does not go away. Hints of suppressed feelings can surface in a variety of symptoms, from sore muscles to sleeplessness.

Counseling can help in the process of forgiveness by bringing into the light wounds that need to be healed. Hypnotherapy is an ideal tool for ferreting out deeply buried feelings and memories.

However you choose to do so, you must acknowledge incidents that require your forgiveness. This does not mean forgetting them – sometimes, these incidents are valuable learning tools – but it does mean admitting something has hurt you and seeking the necessary first aide.

Only then can you move on, and this is the best part. Although it may be hard to forgive some wrongs, doing so releases the hold that another person has on you. It allows you to move on with more freedom and lightness… and fewer scars.

The study represents one of very few comprehensive looks at compulsive gambling in the United States. It found that percentages of compulsive gamblers in the general population are higher than most experts have always thought – even higher than percentages of alcoholics in some age ranges.

Critics of the study argued that the methodology was flawed, and that the researchers might have been comparing apples to oranges when it came to comparing compulsive gamblers and alcoholics.

Nevertheless, local experts on gambling addiction agreed on a couple points: first, Las Vegas has higher rates of compulsive gamblers than the rest of the U.S. in general due to the widespread availability of gaming; second, the rate of compulsive gamblers in the overall population could be rising due to the pervasiveness of online gaming.

Regardless of the study’s outcome, these two points serve as a good reminder that we live in a risky time and place. When it comes to gambling, Las Vegans must be particularly diligent about evaluating their own behavior.

If you gamble frequently – either in a casino or online – ask yourself these questions about it from time to time: Is my gambling affecting my work life or relationships? Have I lied about or concealed my gambling to someone important? Am I unable to stop gambling when I know I should?

Answering “yes” to any of these questions indicates that you might need to address your behavior. Counseling is an excellent way to get an objective opinion and outside help if you do have a problem.

Because of where I practice, I never assume the worst about any client that comes to me with concerns about gambling. Living in Las Vegas also means that we enjoy forms of entertainment unavailable in most other places. I provide a safe environment for everyone to tell their own story, and I listen to it carefully before deciding whether treatment is needed.

There are both good and bad apects to living in “Sin City” – like anywhere. The widespread availability of gaming does not have to be a problem for you, if you can address it early… and objectively.

In nature, we can tell plants and animals are healthy when we observe them change; often these changes take place in sync with seasons. In spring, wild herds and flocks welcome babies and begin moving toward cooler climate zones. Saplings sprout, and adult plants and trees blossom with flowers. Waterways swell with winter melt.

Although our growth does not necessarily follow the seasons, healthy humans can also be recognized by their tendency to change in various ways. As we mature emotionally, for instance, we become less selfish. This prepares us for fruitful relationships such as marriage and parenting.

Stagnation can be a sign that something is wrong. You have probably, at some point in your life, felt uneasy, like you are trapped in a stuffy room, mentally and emotionally speaking. Going too long without experiencing any growth can cause people to feel anxious, angry or depressed. It is your psyche’s way of telling you to open the windows and let some fresh air in.

This is a good time to check in with yourself and see if you are making positive changes. Think about new activities you have engaged in, new friends you have made – even small things like reading thought-provoking books and having lively conversations can be signs of growth. If you are at a loss for such examples and you feel discontent, it may be time for some spring cleaning.

Knowing how and what to change is not always easy – and following through on desired changes can be even more difficult. Frequently, we get accustomed or attached to activities, people and possessions that are no longer serving us. We cannot see that they are holding us back from our desired path.

If you believe you are stagnating, but do not quite know what to do about it, counseling can help. Your counselor can offer tools to identify things in your life that you have grown out of, and set goals that are more in line with where you want to be. Hypnotherapy can also be a great aide for seeing beyond blockages such as fear and insecurity.

As the winter thaws and the days grow warmer, do not miss Mother Nature’s invitation to a lighter you. Get back on the track of growth, and face summer with a renewed sense of purpose.

The birth of a child marks its parents with a profound sense of joint accomplishment. Pictures of glowing mothers and proud fathers holding their treasured newborns reveal the happiness that unites them in their new role as a family.

As with any dramatic change, however, the addition of a baby to a couple can bring strife along with bliss. What once was a pair of people preoccupied with the relationship between them becomes complicated. As parents, they have to manage their relationship with each other, as well as their respective relationships with their child.

Frequently, baby blues are related to intimacy. Mothers tend to become absorbed in nesting and nurturing. The intense physical connection between mother and baby is both exhausting and satisfying – not a combination that is likely to put her in the mood for love of the grown-up kind. New mothers may find it hard to shift gears from mommy to lover, frustrating their partners. The differences in sleep and work schedules that arise from having a new baby can further cut into time normally allotted for romance.

Experiencing discomfort from these changes early on is normal. There are several things you can do to keep the frustration from causing a permanent rift in the couple:

• Accept physical changes. Embrace the way your or your partner’s body has transformed to nurture new life, and support bringing back aspects of it that can be controlled to pre-birth status in due time. Hypnotherapy can be extremely helpful in removing mental and emotional blockages related to body issues.
• Allow the baby to have his or her own sleeping space. Not only is putting the baby in bed with you bad for your sex life, but it also can lead to a cycle that gets more difficult to break the longer it persists.
• Schedule dates. As soon as the child is old enough, find a babysitter and make regular plans for time together as a couple. Look at it as an adult getaway rather than a lack of spontaneity.
• Take time for daily romance. Don’t wait for date night to bring home flowers, cuddle, kiss and say, “I love you.” Do something like this at least once a day, every day.
• Remember the long view. You and your partner will be together long after your children have grown up and left home. Being a good spouse or partner is just as important as being a good parent, so give both relationships equal attention.

You might find that all this is easier said than done. If that’s the case, individual counseling or marriage counseling can help with the transition to your new life. Sometimes there are underlying or more serious issues (such as postpartum depression) that need to be explored. Other times, people simply find they need an outside expert to help them use concrete tools for change, such as dialogues and schedules.

Whether you seek help or not, be open to change. You are not losing a husband or wife; you are gaining a partner in one of the most honorable endeavors a human can undertake. Enjoy your child and each other, so that you can savor the accomplishment of successful parenting long after it is over, together.

A key factor in any form of addiction is availability. As Internet access has proliferated throughout the world, so too has the amount of easily available sexual content online. Today, almost anyone who wants to look at pornography in the privacy of their own home can do so. The Internet has also greatly expanded people’s means for meeting sexual partners.

This widespread accessibility has created a new class of compulsive behavior. Recent research indicates that, just as cities filled with casinos tend to have a high percentage of gambling addicts, our contemporary world filled with Internet access to pornography and illicit sexual encounters has a higher percentage of sex addicts.

It is important to note that a certain amount of sexual activity is healthy. If you are concerned that your online sex life might be moving into unhealthy territory, ask yourself these questions:

• Is my behavior creating issues in my relationship with my partner/spouse/family?

• Does my behavior put my or my family’s well-being at risk?

A “yes” answer to either or both of these questions indicates that you may want to seek counseling. It does not mean you are a sex addict, but it suggests there are problems that bear exploring.

The good news is that compulsive sexual behavior can be treated. Specialists have developed questionnaires to help therapists diagnose sexual addiction and methods to help clients regain control of their lives. With patience and perseverance, many people recover.

Seeking counseling for any problem is difficult, and it can be especially difficult for this type of problem. Often, people experience shame when they even imagine talking about sexual behavior.

I believe it is of the utmost importance to create a safe, confidential environment for my clients. A productive therapeutic relationship can only be built on a foundation of trust, which I work hard to earn.

Once that foundation is established, getting answers and healing yourself is within your reach.

If you are one of the many people who get a knot in their stomach every time they think about their annual family holiday gatherings, take heart: With a little counseling, it is possible to turn this source of dread into an opportunity for growth.

The key to this transformation is your perspective. We tend to see our family members, as well as interactions with them, from a point of view defined long ago, when we were being raised among them. This can make us feel patronized (“My mom still treats me like a child.”), misunderstood (“Can we all just get past my ‘Goth phase’? I was only 15, for crying out loud!”), unloved (“John was always everybody’s favorite. They don’t care about me.”) and many other negative emotions.

In assuming this perspective, you acknowledge your family history, but the focus is on times when development was stunted or pain inflicted. If you can shift your perspective, you can also shift the focus of your thoughts to the present, where growth can be achieved and wounds healed.

This is not an easy transition to make, but it is one that I enjoy working on with my clients. The process involves exploring the thought patterns that lead you down memory lane to moments where your ideas about yourself and your family were recorded in your mind. We can do this through a variety of techniques, and one of the most effective is hypnotherapy, which allows you to safely identify painful past experiences.

Then, you are empowered to move the conversation forward. “Why do you always make fun of me?” can become “I wonder if his constant teasing is a plea for attention?” Interactions may not always be pleasant, but they can be instructive. As you learn more about yourself, you gradually become more secure, so you feel less threatened by others’ flaws.

Sound impossible? It is not, as I know from the clients I have successfully seen through the process. Although it requires an investment of time and diligence on your part, the payoff is as rich as a home-cooked Thanksgiving feast. Once a year, you could gather with those who have known you longer than anyone else in the world for a peaceful, if not joyful, family celebration.